The Loneliness of the People-Pleaser

Balancing Kindness with Self-Care

There’s an undeniable joy in making others happy. When we lend a helping hand or offer a kind word, the gratitude and blessings we receive can lift our spirits and build our confidence. It’s wonderful to feel that we’re making a difference in the lives of those around us.

But what happens when the urge to help, to please, goes unchecked? There’s a fine line between being a well-wisher and slipping into the habit of people-pleasing. While the first is a gesture of generosity, the second can quietly erode our own sense of self.

Over time, those who always strive to keep everyone happy can find themselves trapped by their own kindness. The inability to say “no” becomes a habit. Their own opinions and desires are held back, while the needs and wants of others always come first. This constant prioritizing of others may seem noble, but it often comes at a steep cost.

The irony is that in trying to make everyone around them happy, people-pleasers can end up feeling isolated and lonely. The world may see them as caring and dependable, but inside, they may struggle with resentment, exhaustion, and a growing sense of invisibility.

The lesson here is not to stop helping others or spreading goodness, but rather to remember that self-care matters too. It’s important to set boundaries and honour your own feelings and wishes. By doing so, we can help others from a place of wholeness—without losing ourselves in the process.

After all, true kindness includes being kind to yourself.